It always takes me a while to settle into a new year. I don't often end the previous year already knowing exactly what my goals and to-do lists look like. I love the idea of resolutions I am just bad with follow through, leaving me to feel a bit annoyed with the whole resolution thing. 2014 was kind of rough, ending in the loss of a dear family member who had been fighting a sudden dose of leukemia. With this loss, the stress of our move to Portland, the holidays, and dealing with the already existing creative block I've been struggling with for years, I have found it difficult to think clearly. Before we left Durango, I was excited about the move. I thought of this as a way to re-invent myself. A bright white, clean slate. My excitement about Portland is still there (this city is even more amazing than I dreamed it would be!) but my vision is cloudy.
If you've been following me for a while, you might remember the year (2012) that I was BOLD. It was my word for the new year and I lived and breathed that word. It made such a positive impact on my life that I've even considered tattooing it onto my body as a life motto. I was so, so good at living by it that entire year and then something happened. 2013 came and I stopped being as bold. It was the same with 2014. Now here we are, a new year and a new city and I am less myself lately than ever, less bold too. I've been thinking heavily for the last week about choosing a new word for 2015 and the only one that makes any sense to me is CHOICE. This word seems to come up lately in everything I do and when something can't be ignored, I say listen to it. It probably has something to say.
What this word means for me:
- Make clear decisions I can stand behind.
- Don't over think anything. (Just make a damn decision!)
- Remember that I have the choice to be anyone I want to be and DO anything I want to do.
- I have the power to chose to be happy today.
- I can choose how I want to be in any situation. (see video below)
A few weeks ago I watched a video by one of my favorite boudoir photographers (which helped inspire this decision.) I can't stop replaying it in my mind. I also read what my friend Kathleen said recently and had to laugh at her new years blog post and it's similarity. Kathleen was the person behind my initial choice 3 years ago to pick a word for the year. She never fails to write exactly what I need to hear at exactly the right time. I like to pretend that we are connected somehow! (She's a bad ass and I look up to her immensely!) So, here is to a new year. Here is to choosing the life that I want to have. What is your word for 2015?